It all started with a fan girl accidentally hitting him with a fanboard. This caused him to have a wound just below his left eye.
I think this really frustrated him. Knowing the Great Kim Heechul to be very vain and narcissistic, it was no wonder he would have to be so frustrated. And reading his tweet for today enraged me. He had always love looking at he mirror and praising himself at how beautiful he is, but this was something new.
I thought of putting a status on facebook. But i know that will be lame. Then i remembered my blog site. I may spazz a little longer but you'd have to bare with me. This thing is something new to me. I only joined this fandom for two months. He may sometimes have a bad mood and express his angst. But this one isn't just angst. I could feel his vulnerability and the feeling of inferiority in this that he tries to hide with the curse.
I know this hurts him so much. He has always been proud of his BEAUTIFUL face. Yes, BEAUTIFUL. Even if he doesn't admit it, i feel like he feels that his face is the only thing he excels in. Not that i'm saying he's not talented. Of course he is. Playing the piano, acting, singing, being an MC and DJ, and even dancing. But his face had always been his pride.And what's more hurtful is the fact that the fanboard is a picture of him and his close friend Hangeng, who disbanded with the group after filing a lawsuit against their agency.
And because of his stupid scar, his self-esteem had decreased. Tonight, he didn't show his face on the livestreaming of his radio program YOUNGSTREET.
This is what hurts me the most. I try my best to make him feel that it was nothing and that a little scar won't change the fact that he'll still be the most BEAUTIFUL man to ever grace the idol world. But no, the efforts are futile. It always boils down to the fact that i'm just one of those fan girls trying to support their idol and who wants to get noticed by them.
It breaks my heart to know that he is in great pain for seeing that ugly scar in his face. If i could just have that scar for him then i would. But i can't. If only i could come to him and tell him everything's okay. But i can't. If i can just catch all things thrown to him, i would. But i can't.
There's so much left unsaid. In my wrecked state, i'm at a loss for words. Frustration, anger, sadness and pain envelope my heart causing it to break into pieces. Breathing seems to take a lot of effort. So many ifs enter your mind and you just can't type them down.
HEENIM OPPA I KNOW YOU DON'T KNOW ME. AND YOU MIGHT THINK I'M A CRAZY FAN GIRL DOING ALL THESE THING JUST TO GET NOTICED BY YOU. BUT OPPA I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT EVEN IF YOU'LL BE FULL OF SCARS, EVEN IF AT TIMES YOU GET OUT OF TUNE, EVEN IF YOU'RE NOT SO GOOD IN DANCING, EVEN IF THEY HATE YOU FOR YOUR GUTS, I HAVE ACCEPTED YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU ARE MADE OF. I WILL FOREVER KEEP YOU IN MY HEART. EVEN IF TIME FLIES, LEADING US TO OBLIVION, I WILL ALWAYS BE YOUR PETAL.
KEEP ON FIGHTING HEENIM OPPA AND PETALS, ELFS AND YOUR HYUNGS WILL ALWAYS BE BY YOUR SIDE SUPPORTING YOU ALL THE WAY! :) <3
( credits to the owners of the pics and gif i used in this blog)
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