even if you don't say it, I will wait for you KIM HEECHUL

february 26, 2011. sunday. i was at home trying to stream " a crazy little thing called love". and so much for fast internet connection, i had to wait for it to load. then i remembered something. i'm not really a fan of kpop or anything, but i remembered a song with the most catchy tune that had me searching for it. NO OTHER SUPER JUNIOR. i started watching the video. i don't really have a background on this super junior or this kpop thingy, though i heard sorry sorry, it's you and bonamana already. the video started having me sing "oh oh oh" THEN THE MOST BEAUTIFUL FACE OF A MAN CAUGHT MY ATTENTION. HE WAS WRITING A CARD INSIDE A LIBRARY. i am a bookworm and that had me staring at him. THEN HE CAME OUT WITH THOSE GLASSES AND EMERGED TO BE A NERD. (i have a thing for nerds). his dance moves weren't really that impressive, i even thought i was better than him.  but there was something a but the way he carried himself while dancing that had me staring at him in awe. i repeated it a hundred times before i realized, " I HAVE TO KNOW HIS NAME"

google became very useful and for a while i forgot i was streaming something. reading about them on wiki i had to say, THEY'RE THAT BIG?!! i had to search 12 names before i found KIM HEECHUL. GOTCHA! i had to admit, he looks kind of girlish. but never did i think he was GAY! then i realized, "i saw this guy on IDOL WORLD and had me disliking him!" who wouldn't? he was so rude towards the other members and he always showed his bossy side. THERE MUST BE SOMETHING THAT MADE HIM DO THAT.

and that was the start of my journey as a PETAL* and as an ELF*. THOUGH FOR OTHERS I MIGHT NOT BE A FULL GROWN ELF OR PETAL, I KNOW IN MY HEART THE MOMENT I LOVED THAT BEAUTIFUL MILKY WHITE-SKINNED HUMAN BEING AND IN THE END LOVING THE OTHER 12, I KNEW THOSE BOYS HAD ME. THAT MAN HAD ME. I KNEW I WAS A PETAL. I KNEW I WAS AN ELF.

Then the most shocking news reached me " SUPER JUNIOR MEMBER KIM HEECCHUL TO ENLIST IN MILITARY" of course that was no big deal, having a short background on idol world and korea because of my fandom, i knew they WOULD eventually enlist. BUT WHAT HAD ME IN RAGE AND IN RUCKUS was what followed. "september 1" that had me thinking like" WHAT??!! IN THE MIDDLE OF PROMOTIONS??!! THIS IS A RUMOR!!" but articles popped-up one by one and with HEE confirming it. MY WORLD BROKE TO PIECES. I HAD AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT WORLD WITH HIM AND THE BOYS IN IT. WITHOUT HIM IT WOULDN'T BE THE WORLD I CREATED.

i was consoled by friends but didn't work. some friends don't understand and i understand them. music and language preference are different with every person. SO I HAD TO KEEP THE MOURNING AND DEPRESSION TO MYSELF. SOMETIMES IT MADE ME THINK, AFTER THIS I'D BE INSANE. but HEE put me together again. IN TIMES WHEN I'M DEPRESSED I JUST HAVE TO WATCH CLIPS OF HIM AND I WAS OKAY. SEEING HIM SO REAL AND SO CLOSE IN TEISE VIDEOS MADE ME MISS HIM. BUT I HAD TO BE STRONG. FANS ARE THERE TO SUPPORT THEIR IDOLS AND NOT HINDER THEM FROM BEING THEMSELVES.

10 DAYS AFTER THE NEWS I WAS STANDING BELOW THAT WAITING SHED. a white car stopped on front of me and from the passenger's side emerge the MOST BEAUTIFUL CREATURE I'VE EVER SEEN. HE SHAVED HIS HEAD MAKING ME FEEL WEIRD. i never saw him wear his hair this short before. and for a moment our eyes met. i know i had to say something but words were hard to find. i just stood there admiring your perfection. you waved and smiled. time stood still, all your words seemed to slur until all i could see is your smile. and i just when i found my words, you turned your back. i knew i had to do something. the car door opened, i knew i had to say it. you went inside the car and the door closing behind you. my shoulders sagged, my face fell. i just stared at your car with tears filling my eyes till it blurred my vision. the words i found hard to say, the words i never got the chance to tell you, " I LOVE YOU KIM HEECHUL, I'LL BE WAITING...."

*petals are KIM HEECHULS fans
*ELFS are super junior's fans